My last post was in July and time has flown. It is now December and the main goals I had in my last post I have not met yet. The old me would have beat myself up over it and spiraled into a deep depression. Not the new me. Why you ask? Well because the smaller goals I had in mind are now taking place. I have enrolled in college, I will start in January and Im extremely excited. Finacially Im seeing a lil progress after hitting rock bottom. My child is stable, Im stable, my relationship is stable.... Life has gotten better. This past summer I really felt I was hitting rock bottom and I believe I did emotionally. I shut out alot of people in my life, I felt I needed to. Like I have said in past post I depended on people around me to be my rock to pull me from my struggles. I didnt want that anymore. I knew that what I was going through in my life was something I never experienced in my life before, I knew that I couldnt rely on people to keep saving me. So what happened was my brain, my personalities went on a war pathe with eachother. It was something I wouldnt change if offered. Even though it sucked and I spent alot of days and nights crying and really thinking of running away, I made it through. I conquered my mental instability. I came out stronger. I came out more Independant then how I started. I do not rely on people to make me happy anymore, its not their duty. I make myself happy, sad, etc. I wake up in the morning and decide what mood Im gonna be in even if a bad day is on the horizon. The one person I believe I need to thank for this is GOD. I believe that this was his test. And I passed. I believe it was a wake up call and trust me I finally answered and realize that he needs to be my daily focus and then my family.
What a life experience these past few months have been. Im excited to see whats around the corner.
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