God is good

My last post was in July and time has flown. It is now December and the main goals I had in my last post I have not met yet. The old me would have beat myself up over it and spiraled into a deep depression. Not the new me. Why you ask? Well because the smaller goals I had in mind are now taking place. I have enrolled in college, I will start in January and Im extremely excited. Finacially Im seeing a lil progress after hitting rock bottom. My child is stable, Im stable, my relationship is stable.... Life has gotten better. This past summer I really felt I was hitting rock bottom and I believe I did emotionally. I shut out alot of people in my life, I felt I needed to. Like I have said in past post I depended on people around me to be my rock to pull me from my struggles. I didnt want that anymore. I knew that what I was going through in my life was something I never experienced in my life before, I knew that I couldnt rely on people to keep saving me. So what happened was my brain, my personalities went on a war pathe with eachother. It was something I wouldnt change if offered. Even though it sucked and I spent alot of days and nights crying and really thinking of running away, I made it through. I conquered my mental instability. I came out stronger. I came out more Independant then how I started. I do not rely on people to make me happy anymore, its not their duty. I make myself happy, sad, etc. I wake up in the morning and decide what mood Im gonna be in even if a bad day is on the horizon. The one person I believe I need to thank for this is GOD. I believe that this was his test. And I passed. I believe it was a wake up call and trust me I finally answered and realize that he needs to be my daily focus and then my family.

What a life experience these past few months have been. Im excited to see whats around the corner.

New Years In July

So Im thinking that my New Years is in July. Last year I made major changes in my life including: setting out on my own and losing weight. Ive written about this past year in a earlier blog so Im not going to rehash all of that. I will say that in the past 4 or so months I have slipped on my coke habits but it is now July, My New Year and I will control my intake of such bad products. My second goal is to give up smoking. O I hope this is possiable. My third goal is to start working out. Because of my weightloss I have flabby skin that desperately needs to be handled up on. My fourth goal is to lose atleast 2 more pant sizes. My fifth goal is to save my money and plan for my future, I really want to get to a point where I can build a home that I am proud of and also that reflects my style and art mind. These are goals that I have set that are considered my long term, life changing goals.

I have many many tiny goals that I have set.
I would love to get into reading like I once was and of course back to my photography.

I want to return to the kitchen with new and healthy recipes.

All in time.. Lets bring on the New Year!

Piece Of The Rainbow

This year has been a pretty crazy year. Diffently different from the ones of the past.

This year has been about endings and beginings, firsts and lasts, dos and donts.
My husband and I split up almost a year ago. We were together for 12 years total. We have a beautiful daughter together and we shared alot of wonderful memories.

Ive never really been on my own perse, so this year I feel like I have grown up alot
as well as make alot of mistakes that I normally wouldnt make. Its all a learning process right? I feel like Im coming into my own, something I should have done in my early 20's but I guess Im a late bloomer.
I dont know the future, I dont know what path I will follow or which one I will run from. I just hope that I continue to push forward and make the right decisions. I hope that my husband finds happiness because I know he deserves it.
I hope that my daughter will find peace with the decisions that I have made that will obviously affect her life. I hope she finds forgiveness and understanding in the fact that her parents are no longer together. I hope me and her dad can remain lifetime friends.
I hope that the friends I no longer have are just as forgiving.
I hope that my family will also find understanding and forgiveness.
I have started a new job, a job that I can actually say is a REAL JOB. Nice pay,great hours, and great people to work with. Something Ive never done. Ive never been self-suffiecint... Let me tell you it feels wonderful to provide for yourself and take pride in it. I should have done this long ago, Sorry Jeremey. I should have helped on the money front.

Change, that is what this year has been about. For the good and the bad.. Hopefully it will continue to be for the good and happiness will rain upon all of the people i have ran from and hurt this past year. Including myself.We all deserve a piece of the rainbow.