I must take the scenic route to the right pathe ;)

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.  ~Henry David Thoreau

Ok so the last 3 years of my life have been nothing but uphill battles and downward spirals.
I believe even though my circumstances could have been a little more short lived or just completely avoided, it was my purpose to "walk through the fire" so to speak.
  In recent months people have told me to "find myself" or "you need to learn to be alone"
I have takin the last 2 or 3 months to really think about these comments, to figure out if I really knew myself, if Im NOT ok with being alone and I have come to the conclusion.......
I know myself, I know what Im capable of, I know what my weaknesses are, I know my strengths, my likes and dislikes. I think what people see is that everything I go through in my life my eyes open to a new direction a new way of thinking.. isnt this whole "living" thing is about?

"The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life."  ~Muhammad Ali

I know Im completely random, I also know that Im a "fly by seat of my pants" type person. Do I think its a healthy way of living? Yes, as long as there is balance. Yes, I lost all balance these past few months. I fell flat on my face. Why? Because Im stubborn and Im a helper not a helpee. I believe my lesson in that is, Yes, its wonderful to be strong, to not let the weight of your circumstances effect your day to day life. But at some point you must ask for a hand to lift it off your shoulder. Pride is horriable thing and Pride will kill you faster than a person pulling a trigger.

Being alone, no Im not afraid of being alone. Alot of people seem to forget most of my life has been spent being alone. One of the reasons why at such a young age I became a introvert. Yes, throughout my life I had people beside me, physically but never really have allowed someone to get close to me to where they "know me better than myself" The last year has shown me that no, I dont want to be the "loner" anymore. I want to share my thoughts and my feelings. I want to pull people in not push them away for fear of being hurt. After my divorce I believe I dove into a relationship way too fast. Turned out to be the most TOXIC relationship I could ever imagine.. I was so alone in that, of course I made myself be alone, I put up with it all. Even though someone was physically there emotionally he was checked out. I was a babysitter, punching bag, mental toy. I was alone. In all aspects of the word. So, no I have no issues or fears of being alone. Im just tired of the feeling, the absense of having a true companion. I dont think that makes me fearful of "alone" It makes me a person who knows what she wants, whos not afraid of heartache when honestly she should be declaring to never allow another soul within 1000 miles of her heart or mind.

I know Im a work in progress... as we all are.. I know my faults... as we all should... I will always strive to better those faults.. as we all should. With all that said, I know who I am.. I know where Ive been... I know where Im headed... I know where Ill never be again.

"There's a period of life when we swallow a knowledge of ourselves and it becomes either good or sour inside."  ~Pearl Bailey