It was just hidden

As a child my life was unfair, hateful, degrading.
As a child i was used, unsafe, abused, neglected.

As a teenager i was lost, scared, rebillous.
As a teenager i leaped from my nightmare as a child
and threw myself into a relationship that i obsessedly
wanted.

In my past its always been one extreme or another.
never have i just been me. Never have i allowed myself
to just be happy with who i am, what ive overcome, and
what i still battle with on a personal level. not until
the day i decided i was making a choice for me and me alone.

i guess you can say in some ways that yes i did use people.
looking back at it today, i can see that. during those times
i wasnt doing it intentially. i was counting on those people
to make me ok, to get me through the next phase of my life.
the only person that can make me ok and get me through my life
is myself. the people who come into my life now and here on out
will just be the company that walks with me.

Im alive now, Im self sufficient now. I count on myself
to get me up in the mornings and put my head on the pillow at night
i am worthy now. I feel worth something now and all this time that feeling was lying
right inside of me.

Now I know I can love fully, I can give more of myself to my other half
I know now that love is a want and a need.Not just the need.
I know now because Im happy with myself, that Im fully capable of making
him just as happy as I am.

Without even knowing it this one guy has opened my eyes
to things that should matter and close my eyes to things that shouldnt.

I never thought love could feel like this.Yes Ive loved others, but
this I know in the depths of my heart that this is the real deal.
Because of my past ive not allowed many people to cross my line.
in all honesty the only people i have allowed to cross that line are my sisters.
Some way or another this man saw no line or he had a running leap.