I must take the scenic route to the right pathe ;)

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.  ~Henry David Thoreau

Ok so the last 3 years of my life have been nothing but uphill battles and downward spirals.
I believe even though my circumstances could have been a little more short lived or just completely avoided, it was my purpose to "walk through the fire" so to speak.
  In recent months people have told me to "find myself" or "you need to learn to be alone"
I have takin the last 2 or 3 months to really think about these comments, to figure out if I really knew myself, if Im NOT ok with being alone and I have come to the conclusion.......
I know myself, I know what Im capable of, I know what my weaknesses are, I know my strengths, my likes and dislikes. I think what people see is that everything I go through in my life my eyes open to a new direction a new way of thinking.. isnt this whole "living" thing is about?

"The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life."  ~Muhammad Ali

I know Im completely random, I also know that Im a "fly by seat of my pants" type person. Do I think its a healthy way of living? Yes, as long as there is balance. Yes, I lost all balance these past few months. I fell flat on my face. Why? Because Im stubborn and Im a helper not a helpee. I believe my lesson in that is, Yes, its wonderful to be strong, to not let the weight of your circumstances effect your day to day life. But at some point you must ask for a hand to lift it off your shoulder. Pride is horriable thing and Pride will kill you faster than a person pulling a trigger.

Being alone, no Im not afraid of being alone. Alot of people seem to forget most of my life has been spent being alone. One of the reasons why at such a young age I became a introvert. Yes, throughout my life I had people beside me, physically but never really have allowed someone to get close to me to where they "know me better than myself" The last year has shown me that no, I dont want to be the "loner" anymore. I want to share my thoughts and my feelings. I want to pull people in not push them away for fear of being hurt. After my divorce I believe I dove into a relationship way too fast. Turned out to be the most TOXIC relationship I could ever imagine.. I was so alone in that, of course I made myself be alone, I put up with it all. Even though someone was physically there emotionally he was checked out. I was a babysitter, punching bag, mental toy. I was alone. In all aspects of the word. So, no I have no issues or fears of being alone. Im just tired of the feeling, the absense of having a true companion. I dont think that makes me fearful of "alone" It makes me a person who knows what she wants, whos not afraid of heartache when honestly she should be declaring to never allow another soul within 1000 miles of her heart or mind.

I know Im a work in progress... as we all are.. I know my faults... as we all should... I will always strive to better those faults.. as we all should. With all that said, I know who I am.. I know where Ive been... I know where Im headed... I know where Ill never be again.

"There's a period of life when we swallow a knowledge of ourselves and it becomes either good or sour inside."  ~Pearl Bailey

Forgiveness?

I was asked a question today " if you died right now, heaven or hell?"
My answer- Heaven- the response, "if we did something sinful and both died before asking forgiveness would your answer be the same?"

Heres my thoughts-
Romans 5:12- just as through (Adam) sin entered into the world...." so we are all imperfect sinful humans to begin with. The scripture JOhn 3:16 states " For God loved the world so much that he gave his only begotten son, in order that everyone EXERCISING faith in him shall not be destroyed but have everlasting life."
God knows your soul, God knows if your geniune in your daily thoughts and actions. God also knows that we are all sinners and fall short of his glory. The key is being a believer in Christ and God Almighty, through that alone you are saved. ALL of us commit sins through actions and thoughts alone more than 1000 times a day and if we died before we could ask for forgiveness of each one I do not believe God sends you to Hell because you didnt have time to ask for forgiveness.

Having everlasting life in heaven is easy, its not complicated at all. Simply believe, we are all continually being molded into the person God wants us to be, his hands as long as you allow, are constantly upon us giving us the hope and desire to be better then we were the day before.

Dear Ol Friend

I try to always look at the positive side of things, find the joy in the bad day.
But dont fool that with "Jamie is always happy go lucky" I do have my pity parties dancing in my head, I just choose to not share them with others all too often. It doesnt take me long to check and balance my worries and my depressed thoughts.... something Ive learned to do as a young child. I think I like to blog because I can really get out my sad thougts... so here it goes.

I really think Im a awesome person. Not in a concieded way but in the true definition. Im loyal til it comes to the end. I will give you the shirt off my back even if its the only one I have left. Im sincere in things that I do and things that I say. I do not use people. I have class. I have ambition. I am independent. When things fall apart I do my best to be the one scrambling to put your world back together. I love with all my heart. Im open minded to people, ways of the world, views of different minds. I give compassion when others wouldnt dare to. I trust the words that people speak because I speak with the intent of being trusted. I do not need high class end of things, Im far from being a spoiled hearted person.Im spirtiualy driven. Im simple.

Im ready to be something to someone. Im ready for my rock, my glue, Im ready for that love that brings you to your knees. Im ready for the person that will only look in my eyes in a room full of others and know that Im the best thing that ever happened to them. Im ready to have the "love" that God intended woman to have.

I will not settle, I will be patient, but....Im ready to be someones "simple"