Photograph Title: "Restraint"

When I saw this door with the wire wrapped around the knob it spoke to me, actually it yelled at me. It yells at me because from the time I remember and that would be at the age of 3, Ive been "keeping my door shut." So many secerets, so many lies are behind this door.The reasons for who I am, the makeup of my identity. The crazed life I once had to live.



Some say Im an open book, but Im not. Some think they have me figured out, but they dont.There are many layers to me. Im not saying I put up a front for people, but through my life Ive always had to shut the door and keep it shut. Ive always had to give the illusion that everything was okay. Smile and skip and while on the inside I was crying, screaming for someone to save me. I know now that the only person that can save me is myself.


Some people know part of my past, but certaintly not all of it. I once talked to a "Person" they said, "its good to talk, to tell people. Youve spent so many years bottled up."

I think I might do that. Soon. A Wire can always be broken.

Tori Amos: Silent All These Years

Excuse me, but can I be you for a while?

My dog won't bite if you sit real still

I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again

Yeah, I can hear that

Been saved again by the garbage truck

I got something to say you know but nothing comes

Yes I know what you think of me you never shut up

Yeah I can hear that

But what if I'm a mermaid?

In these jeans of his with her name still on it

Hey, but I don't care

'Cause sometimes

I said sometimes I hear my voice

And it's been here

Silent all these years

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts

What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?

Boy, you best pray that I bleed real soon

How's that thought for you?

My scream got lost in a paper cup

You think there's a heaven where

Some screams have gone?

I got 25 bucks and a cracker

Do you think it's enough to get us there?

'Cause what if I'm a mermaid?

In these jeans of his with her name still on it

Hey, but I don't care 'Cause sometimes

I said sometimes I hear my voice

And it's been here

Silent all these...Years go by

Will I still be waiting

For somebody else to understand?

Years go by

If I'm stripped of my beauty

And the orange clouds raining in my head

Years go by

Will I choke on my tears

Till finally there is nothing left?

One more casualty

You know we're too easy, easy, easy Well,

I love the way we communicate

Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape

Let's hear what you think of me now

But baby don't look up

The sky is falling

Your mother shows up in a nasty dress

And it's your turn now to stand where I stand

Everybody lookin' at you

Here, take hold of my hand

Yeah, I can hear them

But what if I'm a mermaid?

In these jeans of yours with her name still on it

Hey, but I don't care

'Cause sometimes

I said sometimes I hear my voice

I hear my voice

I hear my voice

And it's been here

Silent all these years

I've been here

Silent all these years

Silent all these

Silent all these years...